vent

 you know sometimes having parents that underestimate you is actually fun.... they will make jokes about you being depressed and then attempting to suicide again just because they don't actually know what's going on. they do not know anything about goes on in my school life they only know the small bits they don't know that I almost got beaten up the other day they don't know how I felt when 8 people ganged up on me to possibly lay hands on me they just care about their reputation what is gonna happen if I fail my exams I can tell you for sure I'm not fucking failing it may be overconfidence but I just know I will pass but not with a full distinction or whatever I'm actually trying. according to her my mother I was raised wrong because I got whatever I wanted and it makes me selfish and entitled I personally think i was forced to grow up in a way always seeing them fighting and understanding things I shouldn't have at that age made me really fucked up. actually thinking rationally I made myself be the way I should have been or maybe not. why does she blame me for almost everything wrong in my life. I did not choose to be assaulted when I was three years old. she doesn't trust me she doesn't even appreciate me. sometimes I just  wanna go back to that night and change only one thing and that would be to not text my doctor I would have died that day if I had not texted her I really wish I didn't do it. I'm going to attempt again not now but I will after school ends there's done with my exams now she can check my results and not have to worry if if I passed or not because I will simply not be here.